Keep Your Gas To Yourself, Please

What is it about certain people who think they can pass gas in a crowded public place and think no one will notice? People in elevators, standing there, studying the movement of the elevator in silence, watching the sequence of floors pass by....suddenly decide to pass gas? What's that about? For example, I was recently at an event where a large group of people were walking through a narrow space, so it was much like a cattle call. Some fool decides to let one rip, but I must say it was rather clever. The noise of shuffling feet and idle chatter masked the sound (or at least made it unable to be traced to the source). But suddenly I saw people ahead of me turning their heads with a look of disgust. Then as I walked forward, and into the noxious gas and was subjected to the human fumes of horror, I too squinted and put my face into my sleeve to minimize the chance of inhaling any further vile emissions.

I went to the theatre recently, a guy stood up and stepped out of the row of seats and into the aisle. He proceeded to fart, then immediately walked back into the row to his seat. Unfortunately he didn't wait for it to dissipate, so he left a trail of baneful effluvium in his wake. Ugh! And finally, I was on airport shuttle bus recently, sitting patiently, reading e-mails on my Blackberry when all of a sudden I hear a long, rippled,vibrating sound emanating from the front of the bus. I thought to myself, "no it CAN'T be!" My fears of social indiscretion were confirmed when the bus driver started chuckling and said aloud: "Wow, that was a good one huh?" I moved swiftly to the back of the bus looking for an escape route through the opening on the roof of the bus. So my proposal is to establish "no farting zones". We can easily install signs such as this one above to make it easy for people who lack social grace and manners. perhaps I'll write a letter to my Congresswoman. Or better yet, to all the Presidential hopefuls, since that's about the level of importance their debates seem to be focused on anyway.
-Rick Rockhill